We spent a quiet day in the CCU with no visitors until the afternoon when Thanksgiving dinner arrived from my parents and Dom's sister and husband. It was thoughtful and sweet of them to cheer us up and bring us a Thanksgiving meal to celebrate.
On this day I was so very thankful that:
- I had a hubby who was on top of it and dialed 911 despite my pleas not to
- I had two beautiful little girls who were being brave and strong without getting to see me (due to the CCU visitor rules)
- I had a perfectly healthy baby boy that would be spoiled immediately once I regained my strength to do so
- We had family and friends that cared so much, and were at the hospital night and day
- Loved ones were quick to pray for us and add us to lots and lots of prayer chains across the US, as well as those praying for us overseas
- For God's healing hand over my body, His strength to keep on when I was just distraught with all that I was facing
- For Dom's constant encouragement, love, and compassion as I continued to get poked and prodded
- God's strength and the encouragement of family and friends which kept Dom calm and able to care for me
- That each breath is given by God, and how easily I've taken it for granted until I was put into a situation such as this.
- so much more can be added!
I was supposed to be able to leave the CCU on this day and go down to the observation unit, but that wasn't going to happen. I learned that there was a toilet in the CCU, it's under the cabinet and swings out to be used. I got to use the ca mode a couple of times that day, but my heart rate would sky rocket when I went to get back into bed, mind you the ca mode was only about 3 feet away. I used the ca mode later in the evening and my heart rate went up to 175 and I was told I would be staying in the CCU. Ah, I was a bit bummed, I really thought I was making progress. Once again, little did I know about the state I was in.
November 28, 2008
This day was a much better day although the news of my condition wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear. I wanted to be released from the hospital on Saturday as planned, but my hemoglobin levels were low due to the amount of blood they were drawing as well as what I lost during labor. I did have good news, I was going to be taken down to the "tellie" unit because I was doing better and didn't need to have the constant care and attention that I needed previously in the CCU. God totally had his hand over us because there were no rooms available, and my nurses in the CCU were going to pull strings to get me a private room so that I could have baby Dominique with me. It was very thoughtful of them, and I was in a rush to get out the CCU where my day started at 3:30AM with breathing treatments, blood work, vital checks, my Lovinox shot, and the list goes on. I couldn't wait to have my vitals checked every 4 hours in the "tellie" unit instead of each hour as it was in the CCU.
I ended up being transferred late at night and was thankful that I hadn't been transferred earlier because the room was really a step down. At the time, I didn't realize why the nurses were talking somewhat badly about the "tellie" unit, but when I arrived, I knew exactly why. The room was just awful and not taken care of at all. In fact, I fell asleep and woke up to see Dom cleaning my room down with the medical grade wipes and gloves on his hands at 2AM! He had all the things I wasn't using packed up and was ready to take them all to the car. It was so awful to him that he couldn't sleep and felt the need to clean it up. I tell you he is more than wonderful!
Although this night was an adjustment, and being in this unit of the hospital was a step down (the nurses weren't on top of it!), I was actually able to rest a bit and feel as if I was recovering.
The Pulmonary Specialist that was following me closely came in and said that things were looking good, and that my hemoglobin count from my blood work was looking okay, a bit low, but not in need for a blood transfusion. I was so relieved because I was told that it was likely that I would have one if the levels weren't higher. About an hour later I received a call from her just to let me know that my level had dropped a bit more and that the transfusion was going to take place within a couple of hours. I was in disbelief and thinking about having someone else's blood in my body and somewhat panicked at the thought of it. I called my mom and asked her to please come and stay with me since it would e a 5 hour process. Dom was wasted and I wanted him to have a break and go sleep at home on our bed, and take a shower (poor guy, he hadn't changed in three days!). My mom and dad came by the hospital and Dom left for a good few hours of rest that he desperately needed.
The transfusion was taking place and as my dad and Dom had left I asked them to please call everyone and let them know that I wouldn't have any visitors today because it was a time that I just wanted to be alone without company in case something were to happen. I was really afraid of my IV's and having another infiltration, yet with the blood this time instead of medication.
It was just me and my mom and it was comforting to have her with me all to myself. She was so encouraging and strong through this whole ordeal, and I am so very grateful for her.
Later, my mom's close friend Rita stopped by and my mom told her immediately that I wasn't having any visitors. I knew that not only would it be nice to have Rita there for my mom, but that she would bring some laughter for me too. I told my mom it was fine for her to be there, and her company helped make the time go by quickly.
Once the transfusion was done, my mom was insistent on me taking a shower because I wouldn't quit whining about feeling so gross, not to mention that my release wasn't going to be Saturday after all, but now it was moved to Monday! She had the nurse get approval from the doctor for me to shower, because apparently no one in this unit was allowed to take showers (even though there's a shower in each room?). My mom is a trooper, she got all my stuff together to take a shower and waited in the bathroom constantly asking if I was ok while I showered. You better believe I was ok, as much as I felt like I was going to pass out, I held onto that little metal bar in the shower and finished my shower. I got out, got ready, and went into my room to find my babies waiting for me ready to be loved. It was such a blessing to see them and just love on them.
Bella was so inquisitive about everything. She wanted to know why I had IV's, why I had bruises (I told her the doctors colored on me), why I had a heart monitor, why I was in the hospital, and so on and so on. Symph just took in all the surroundings and knew that what I had were bruises and was just trying to figure all that was going on out on her own.
We called maternity and asked them to bring the baby up, and it was such a beautiful time with the girls. They were in love with the baby and just consumed with him. They both held him, kissed him, and just adored our newest addition to the family. I honestly didn't want this time to end because I missed them so much, and this was not how I pictured us all welcoming a new baby. It was beautiful, but I was also saddened that I couldn't be with them to care for them (they were sick on top of everything else!). I love my babies!
It was time for the girls to leave, as well as the rest of our company (my family), and I just sat and cried as they left. I felt so defeated (even though I was getting better) and as though I wasn't going to heal the way I needed to in order to care for my family.
November 28, 2008
Today was a new day and I finally felt as if I could fight and make this work after all. I got out of bed and took a few trips walking up and down the hall (which if you asked me before, I thought it would be impossible to walk 25 ft), and I was ready to leave the instant they told me I could, but I still had til Monday.
Around noon, the director of Labor & Delivery came in asking just "one question". She wanted to know if there was anyone able to watch my baby at home while I stayed in the hospital because they had too many babies in the maternity ward. My nurse was standing right next to her, and all I could think of was that this had been worked out and an agreement was made that my baby could stay until Monday. I was so flustered and upset over this and told her that there wasn't anyone that could take care of my newborn at home. She left somewhat irritated, and left me very irritated. My nurse stayed behind and waited for her to leave and told us that it wasn't our problem and that they needed to deal with it. She told us not to worry about it, but how couldn't I? All I could think of was that they were now going to neglect my son since they didn't have anyone that could bring him up to me.
I guess the Director's need to have him out of the nursery was a blessing in disguise because I was immediately scheduled for another CT scan and had the Pulmonary Specialist in my room within a few hours. The results were amazing to us, the clots had shrunk by 60-70% and I was going home! I was so excited to have the three IV's taken out, have my stuff packed up and taken to the car by Dom and my dad, and to finally take my baby home!
We walked into a clean house with candles lit and dinner in the oven. My sweet brother and his wife, along with our wonderful friends/family Simon and Marisa cleaned our house while we were in the hospital! My mom and dad were there waiting for us with dinner and the house open and ready for us to actually relax.
It was awesome to be home!
I am completely humbled and broken to see what God has done to keep me and heal me. So many things that I have taken for granted were magnified through all of this and I am so thankful for all that I have and all those who have just been a complete blessing to my life and my family's. It's through times like these that it's made evident who your loved ones are and I am so very blessed to have been showered with so much love.
We have been blessed continually with family and friends (which are really family). My parents and my brother & Jess were great distractions for my girls as they took care of them and spoiled them rotten :) It was comforting to know that they were being loved on when we weren't able to do so.
A big thank you to Jen for her support while I was at the hospital and even now that I'm home. She's a sweetheart of a best friend, and is running a tight ship in having others help us out. She's scheduled a full month of dinners for us and has been bringing them to us so that we aren't overwhelmed with company at this time, she knows me too well!
I am so very blessed to be here writing this. I get overwhelmed and often cry when I think of what could have happened had I just tried to bear it on my own thinking it would pass. Not only am I thankful that Dom called 911, but that he is just beyond what I could ever want my husband to be.
Throughout all of this and as I write, I am humbly broken to see God's hand upon my life and my family's. His love, grace, and mercy are abundant and more than I deserve.